Sometimes I forget that I am a single-mom. I realize this seems almost impossible to understand. I obviously know that my husband died four years ago. At that time, our daughters were 14 and 11 years old, respectively, and I have raised them on my own since then. In some ways, particularly given the isolation brought on by the pandemic, we became a very tight-knit family unit of three who worked collectively to figure things out. In that respect, I suppose I felt less alone in my parenting role. I certainly also shared thoughts and ideas on parenting with close friends, family, and my therapist. Still, the final decisions and the weight and impact of those decisions were always mine to bear alone.
When it came to making larger choices for our family, I often felt the unfairness of my sole-parenting role. On many days, I wished for another adult in the house just so I could “tag out” and get a bit of respite from the inherent stressors of raising tweens and teens. Taking a step back, I could see that I was managing as best as possible; however, I also sometimes perceived the weight of the world on my shoulders. Like others, I needed to guide my children through normal adolescent tasks and the unique emotional and social toll of the pandemic, but I also had the added burden of helping my daughters cope with our collective grief over their father’s unexpected and untimely loss. At some point, I suppose I acclimated to this new reality, accepting and adjusting accordingly.
Every year as we remember the day my husband died, I unconsciously take stock of our family’s well-being. I feel a great sense of pride that my daughters and I are all thriving in our lives. At times like these, it is as though the blinders come off and I realize, almost anew, what we have faced and also understand how much we have grown. For all those who have coped with grief, I think it is imperative to periodically take stock of your own journey through loss and give yourself the credit you deserve for finding your way to the here and now. You truly are stronger than you know.
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