As a parent, we teach our children through our words and actions, and by sharing stories of our lives. At other times, we find that our children are the ones who enlighten us. When my husband died, I found myself helping my girls with their grief, from finding the words to talk about their father’s passing to engaging a therapist to help us process his loss as a family. I had no road map to help them along the path of healing and no sense of the “right” things to do or say. I simply had to feel my way, relying on my own therapeutic training, conversations with friends who had lost a parent in childhood, and a bit of online research and reading.
When one of my girls expressed an interest in volunteering for the same hospice organization that hosts my spousal loss support group, I was unsure what to say. I knew how much the support group and hospice had meant to me and was touched by the idea of giving back. Still, I wondered if it might prove too painful for my daughter. Not only did I learn that my daughter could manage the difficult feelings that might arise from her interactions while at hospice, I also found that she could use it as a means of furthering her own healing. Since my late husband was a physician who addressed issues of life and death in his daily work, my daughter felt that time spent at hospice was particularly meaningful. Indeed, by giving to others living on the precipice of death, she felt as though she was honoring his life’s work. It is my hope that all of us who must walk the path of grief can honor the memory of our loved ones by living out the values that they held dear.
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